Dealing with Depression

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Depression is a serious condition that is all encompassing for the individual sufferer. It is sometimes seen as a mental problem or an emotional weakness of sorts by people who do not understand it. But sufferers of depression know that it can permeate all aspects of your life. 

Depression can begin as a mild depression and then over time it can grow to a more serious condition that interferes with daily functioning. Some people have depressive episodes that tend to pass in time, while other people feel like they have been sucked into a black void that will not let them out. 

It can almost feel like an external entity is either crushing you down, or pulling you into an altered state of consciousness that becomes like a prison. This prison is filled with darkness, sadness, hopelessness and apathy about things that you once cared about doing. 

Getting any motivation, or traction in your life can be difficult to impossible, if you are suffering from depression. It can be hard to do activities, work, or even clean the house and do basic daily tasks. This can quickly begin to lead you into a downward spiral that is very hard to get yourself out of. 

One element that is common with severe, or chronic depression, is the element of shame. There is sometimes toxic shame to begin with. That can be something that goes back to childhood. It may be shame that other people programmed you to feel. 

If you grew up with people that were critical about your feelings, the way you expressed yourself, or critical in general, then you are probably carrying toxic shame in your subconscious. If you were abused physically, or otherwise then you may be carrying a feeling of shame from that abuse, even if you are not aware of it. 

Why would someone who was abused be carrying shame about that, when the abuse is the fault and choice of the abuser?

This is a question that is often asked by people who did not have an abusive childhood, and have never been in an abusive relationship. There are aspects of mental abuse and emotional abuse that program shame into the victim. People who have not experienced emotional abuse or mental abuse have trouble understanding this, but it is very real. 

It can be difficult to talk with people about your childhood, and also about adult abusive relationships because they may invalidate what you experienced. This makes you feel worse, and it reinforces the shame that you already feel. 

The other aspect of shame that is often felt by sufferers of depression, is the shame of feeling that there is something wrong with you because you suffer from depression.

Other people around you function better than you do, and they seem to be more equipped to deal with life than you do. If you feel like the depression is something you have to hide from others, then that can lead to feeling shame about it. 

Depression is not something you have to feel shame about, but it is not easy to just turn that feeling off. Shame is one of the most difficult emotions to deal with because it can feel out of your control. It feels like an entity in itself that takes hold of you because you deserve it to. 

Feeling guilt about something you have done wrong is different than shame.

Deep seeded shame is extremely painful and it makes the person feel like they deserve to be punished. You might even feel like the depression is your punishment for being an inadequate person.

There is nothing that is inadequate about you. Even if other people are able to deal with their lives better at this time, it does not mean that they are better or more deserving than you. 

Shame is an emotion that is programmed into you. You feel ashamed in comparison to other people. It could be that you have been compared unfairly to people and situations that are not the same as you. You may have grown up with disordered parents who manipulated your feelings, in order to superimpose the feelings they wanted you to feel, in place of the true feelings that  you had about things.

All of these childhood experiences are carried in the subconscious because it was the time that you were learning how to interpret the world, your reality, your feelings, and your place in the world. If you were made to feel that you had a lower place in the world than other people do, then this belief was filed into your subconscious brain. 

Just because you may feel like there is something about you that makes you less than others, does not make it true. It is just the programming and the false beliefs that were put into you. 

As an adult with depression, there is stigma that you have to deal with. The perception by the general public about mental illness and depression is often not correct.

The media tends to misrepresent aspects of depression and mental illness. Most people who have never experienced any mental illness do not have a real picture of what it is like. 

If you are suffering from depression, you may feel isolated from others even when you are in a room full of people. You feel different and broken somehow. The inability to be able to communicate about how you feel and what you might need, can make you feel like an alien on an unfriendly planet. 

The feeling of isolation can make the depression worse. There is a need for understanding and connection, but you are afraid to be made worse by being invalidated, minimized or disbelieved. You feel like you are surrounded by a strangling darkness that no one else can see. 

It can help to know that you are not alone. There are many other people who feel like they are the target of this crushing dark pain. It is not a sign of your intelligence or you ability to be competent or functional. Many depression sufferers are extremely intelligent and creative. 

The more isolated you become and the more alone you feel, the worse the depression can become. Forcing yourself to be among people does not always help either. In fact it might be something that makes you feel even worse and more alone. 

Being around people who do not understand mental illness or depression can make you feel out of place, and like you do not belong or fit in with anyone in the world. But this does not mean that you do not belong in the world, or that you cannot find people that you do fit in with. 

Depression is physically painful, as well as emotionally painful. Strong emotions are always felt in the body. You may even be able to identify and point to the most painful places where you feel emotional pain. 

Over time the places you feel the physical pain from depression may manifest illnesses and disease. Carrying shame can also lead to physical illness.

Emotions that are repressed, held inside, or not healed can cause all kinds of diseases and sicknesses, including heart conditions, gastrointestinal diseases, cancers, arthritis and joint pain, migraines, chronic fatigue syndrome, nervous system disorders and more. 

If you have fatigue and chronic pain, in addition to depression, then it becomes a loop that is hard to get out of, where one things leads to the other. 

Insomnia and anxiety disorders are also common with severe or chronic depression. Sleep deprivation from insomnia can increase the depression and also illnesses. Many of these aspects of depression end up feeding back into it. It can feel like you are literally being attacked by your own body, your brain, or an outside force. 

Even though it seems like no one understands what it is like, it is important for you to know that you are not alone. You are not crazy or imagining things. The pain from depression is very real, and worse because it is invisible to others. 

Invisible disorders can be the hardest to deal with because it hard to get validation about your day to day reality. You feel like you are living in a different reality than other people. In many ways you are living in a different reality from most other people, but there are others who feel the same way that you do. 

You are not alone. It is important not to minimize your feelings, even if it seems like the people around you do not know what you are going through.

Allow yourself to accept the reality you experience as valid. Believe that you are just as worthy and deserving as anyone else, and that having depression does not make you less than anyone else. 

You may be having trouble getting through the day right now. Things may really be harder for you to do than they were before, and than they are for many other people. Be kind to yourself and allow compassion for yourself. 

Allow yourself to feel compassion for what you are going through and for how it feels to have this depression pulling you in and surrounding you. Accept this depression as your brain letting you know that something is demanding attention. 

You are very important and there are times when your brain is trying to protect you by letting you know that something really needs attention and care. Do not judge yourself for having depression, or for having difficulty with daily things because of the depression. 

There is no benefit if judgement, and it will just make things worse. If you are feeling judge mental towards yourself, then try to identify where this judgement is really coming from. It may be someone else’s words that are actually speaking in your head, and not your own. 

It is necessary for you to care for your depression, just like you would care for a sick friend or a sick child. Care for yourself and care for the depression you are feeling. Look inside of yourself and see what needs are not being met. 

It is not selfish to take care of yourself, or to be extra compassionate towards yourself during depression. It is a serious thing that is demanding your attention and care. 

Love yourself as much as you would love another who was suffering.

Find ways to nurture and heal yourself. Connect with others who understand. You do not have to base your feelings about yourself on those beliefs of other people who do not understand mental illness or depression. 

You are not inadequate and you are not an alien. You are not exaggerating the way you feel in your own head and your own body. You know how you feel , and only you know how serious your depression is. It cannot be judged by anyone outside of yourself. 

Allow kindness and compassion to flow towards yourself.

Accept kindnesses from others and begin to let go of any negative beliefs about yourself that others have put there. Your past does not define you, and you are allowed to love yourself just as you are at this moment in time. 

 

Emotophobia – the Fear of Strong Negative Emotions

GentleKindness

Emotophobia is the fear of unpleasant emotions, not to be confused with emetophobia, the fear of vomiting.

There is little online about emotophobia.

The few articles I found offered the suggestion to “stop treating negative emotions as if they are your enemies and can harm you.”

This is somewhat condescending and implies that emotions themselves cannot harm you.

The person offering this advice clearly has never been in a situation where showing negative emotions could harm them.

So, they think it is rather ridiculous that someone would associate their negative emotions with danger.

The problem with this thinking is that there are situations where someone’s emotions can cause them harm.

This advise shows a complete misunderstanding of emotophobia and its root causes.

People with emotophobia are not “treating” emotions as if they are the enemy.

For people that have emotophobia, emotions were the enemy and they were followed by consequences.

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Beautiful Wharton Lake

Create Your Path with Wisdom and Thoughtfulness

 

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path-creation

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Weaving our way down the paths we choose

Creating the paths in front of our feet

An illusion that others have as much influence 

Over which way we go, as it seems to us at the time

Travelling without taking enough time to just be still

And connect with ourselves and our inner wisdom

Controlled by the false beliefs we hold 

Influenced by thoughts we don’t even know we have

Feelings that come up without our control

Not taking time to find out where those feelings are 

Actually coming from or why they always come up

At certain times. and in certain scenarios

We must stop and just feel the energies about us

Find the strength to go the direction that we really want to go

The way that serves us, supports us

Allows us to spread our own wings

And protects us from harm

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image from Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/pin/574068283733763854/

 

 

Twenty Ideas for Writer’s Block

GentleKindness

1. Learn something new by googling a topic you are interested in or statr with Wikipedia.

2.  See where this leads you. I sometimes read a Wikipedia post on one topic and become introduced to a new phrase, inventor, author, or concept during the post.

3. Check out the highlighted words and phrases in the post you are reading. They can lead you to more highlighted words and phrases. (I have come up really cool new ideas for what to write about by doing this. )

4.Watch a youtube video about the most interesting idea you have found…or start with YouTube for researching topics to begin with.

5. See if anyone else has posted about this topic and form your own opinions, choose a side, expand by adding a new perspective or write a poem or short story about it.

6. Let the things you learn about inspire new ideas…

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Seducer666

predator.

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His words spilled out upon the page

Like sensual kisses so perfectly placed 

She drank them in like drops of sin

Seductively luring her embrace

The dance went on into the night

As she hung on his every sweet word

Failing to notice the vampire glare

Till his teeth sunk deep into her flesh

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image from Pinterest

 

Gentle Kindness Coaching Facebook – Overcoming Emotional Wounds

GentleKindness

Visit my Facebook page for Healing and Overcoming Emotional Wounds – gentlekindnesscoaching

for…

Survivor’s of narcissistic abuse

Survivor’s of Psychopathic Abuse

People with C-PTSD from Trauma and emotional abuse

Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents

Daughter of Narcissistic Mothers

Sons of Narcissistic Parents

Survivor’s of Sexual Abuse

Survivor’s of Partner Abuse

Adult Children of physical and mental abuse

People Pleaser Syndrome

Codependence

PSTD

Depression and Severe Anxiety Disorder Looking for Healing

Anyone Looking for NLP and Hypnosis for Healing

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Do We Live in Simultaneous Realities?

GentleKindness

Everyone searches for a purpose to their lives. Some people are more focused on just surviving, but in the end humans are wired for more than simply existing.

Different people see their purpose differently. Time and age can change where you focus your energy.

Some people focus more on others than themselves and feel more fullfilled if they are serving others. Some people look to invent something that will improve the lives of others.

We need all different kinds people, with different skills and interests in order to tap into multiple kinds of brains and different kinds of intelligence.

I believe that each of us is happier when we feel like we are able to use and develop our best gifts, and what we feel drawn to do.

It is easy to get off track because others think they know what we should be doing. And some people only want…

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Mindfulness about Pain and Sickness

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Itching

Fatigue

Skin rashes

Arthritis

Back pain

Joint pain

Insomnia

Hang nails

Infections

Pink eye

Vomiting

Hair loss

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mountain heart.jpg

image from Pinterest

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No wonder we become distracted, redirected and forgetful about being in touch with our higher consciousness level selves.

We can’t even call them on the cell phone, never mind ask them to relate to what we go through.

Getting into a higher level state requires detaching from our  physical selves. It is like ignoring the squeakiest wheel. ….and as we know, the squeaky wheel gets the attention.

We can have wonderful intentions of growing towards a higher consciousness level and then we develop some new pain or disorder…whether mental or physical.

We are subjected to all manner of mind control and persuasion techniques by society and the manipulators within it. And our bodies take more and more of a beating as we age.

Beating yourself up over not being able to do certain things is unproductive. It might be that you don’t do certain things well, because those are not the things you were meant to be doing. If you were meant to be doing something, you would feel passionate about it. 

It is effectually beating up yourself with the ideas that someone else put into you. The thoughts you have about not being good enough are programs that were hacked into your brain by others. 

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As far as your body goes…it is always trying to help you. Your body wants to protect you, as well as itself. It is the house for the soul and the mind. Your body works hard all the time to repair itself, but it needs your help to do the right things to care for it.

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The idea that some people might give you that your body is working against you, is not true. And this very thought will cause a battle between the mind and the body. This will cause disease and sickness.

 Repressing your feelings about things will cause a physical response, because those feelings want to be paid attention to. You may have been conditioned that you have to shut down your feelings.

You may have been taught that it is weak to express your feelings. At the same time, you know that repressing feelings will cause your body to weaken. 

So we have to accept the inner child in order to heal…accept suffering as part of existing in the physical realm….sit with our pain to comfort it to ease it….

walk through painful experiences to get to the light on the other side…

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…believe in your own resilience to be able to experience your feelings and care for them…

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…and detach from the ego and identifying with our identity in order to achieve a higher consciousness…..

Yet in detaching from our ego we are acknowledging our identity with it…..so we first have to recognize the ego as a construct that is heavily influenced by brainwashing, false beliefs programmed into us, and manipulative people with their own agendas to serve..

We then can understand that many of our automatic  thoughts and attachments come out of this programming. …making the majority of the tapes running in our subconscious mind basically bad viruses…..and our conscious negative thoughts results of the viruses…..

Then we can begin to understand that We Are Not Our Thoughts….

Once we begin to accept that we are not our thoughts, we can open the subconcious mind to new formatting….better programming….we can alter and add new beliefs…and delete contaminated beliefs…..

A new understanding begins to arise at the back of our brains where those core beliefs are housed….that if our thoughts are not us, then we can observe our thoughts and evaluate their validity….

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Holding onto beliefs that no longer serve us is not necessary. In fact it is important to rid yourself of false beliefs that you are holding in your subconscious.

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You need to evaluate what beliefs are driving your emotions. Then see which ones are actually your own, and which ones were programmed into you.

 It is the attachment to those addictive beliefs and thought patterns that keeps us controlled by others….and keeps us in learned helplessness….

We are not the sum of our thoughts.

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If you think of your thoughts as furniture occupying your brain, you can see how you have the power to arrange it however you wish.  

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Rearrange that furniture.  Throw out old pieces that are no longer needed. Add some select new pieces that support you better. You can even re-frame some memories that are keeping you trapped in the picture that you imagine you are trapped in.

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The house remains, even when the things inside are altered. Your higher self can guide you to know what thoughts fit you, and what ones are destructive. 

So who is doing the altering and rearranging? It is not our physical selves….It is not our thoughts that are observing themselves….

Once we begin to realize this, then we catch a glimpse of what is doing the observing….It is not within the brain or the physical body….

It is that higher self…the higher consciousness….that can be awakened to observe and repair the subconscious …where suffering is at its roots….

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Thoughts about suffering seem to create more suffering…and fear that the suffering will get worse….or continue to last is the root of the most painful mental and physical suffering.

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Yet somehow you are beginning to suspect the most curious thing of all….that by entering this kind of trance….that very trance you have allowed your mind to enter while reading this….you were able to detach from your physical suffering for a few minutes…..

And so we took the journey together….just you and I….in a higher realm of consciousness….

Namaste..

Annie – gentlekindness coaching

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Mimics

colors painted woman                                                             image from pinterest

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Self expression

Creativity 

Imagination

Sculpting a creative work

That is truly your own

Whether it be art or music

Poetry or fiction

A new yoga posture to share

Decorating a lampshade

Or painting an old chair

Imagination, creativity and discovery

Can counter the darkness….

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black nails                                           image from pinterest

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Of the Soul-less ones

Who can merely mimic others

Mimics

Emulate emotions they do not feel

And injure others for their own gain

They are shadows walking the earth

Hollow except for darkness…

having contempt for those

with authentic minds

and empathic hearts…

Those practitioners of darkness

 

that walk the earth in pretense…

Merely to mimic and exploit

To sadistically seduce

In order to drink the pure energies

Of the empaths and the artists

The vulnerable and the passionate

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black ghost.jpg

 

The hollow ones 

Wandering from one victim to the next…

Leaving destruction in their wake

like an insane rogue villain

The fog if darkness left on your door step

Then on to ring the next door bell

Wash, rinse, repeat

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image from pinterest here 

 

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